And now a Full Moon months later….

I can see that if I truly want this blog to be read I best do more to keep it active. Well, right off the bat I’ve undermined this cause it seems to me I actually don’t want this to be the definitive blog from the heart. It’s more like a Lucky Dip Blog from the big toe…..                    I come in, I swish about, I leave and not return for .. well in this latest case..5 months…….whooo. close up on pink ring   Not to say that my life this year has been boring, it’s been anything but boring… in fact it’s been so not boring that I’ve been shy about writing .Writing this blog.. not shy about writing…heck no….I have reams and reams of foolscap  filled and making themselves useful as doorstops. Its just….because I don’t control this site I had to almost hate writing on it.. but I’ve had the site for so long… long like… way back when Word Press was something NEW  and you CRAZY and you had to pay for it. I got this site because the webmaster at the time was fresh and eager and cost me nothing. Nothing is exactly what I have gotten from the site ’cause the”master” own it.  I understand that he makes a small but not so bad yearly cheque from the site. And me… I can’t afford to by him out… Can’t afford to let it go. sunset in grey skies     So … what to do, what do to do…….or as they say in Ireland .”.Fado.. fado……” ( Which translates as …”A Long Time Ago…”.)  It would be the beginning of a story…..…..

Fado Fado…..A long time ago.….There were no right or wrong ways except doing nothing. Doing nothing was definitely the most unpleasant thing that could occur. So she tried to avoid that. She tried to do something. Discovered that if fact it took very little effort to achieve the state of actually doing something. And in this case she wanted to feel better in herself, in body and in her heart.There were goals but she really hated goals more than she hated diets.

What she wanted was to feel the great way she imagined she would feel once she had achieved the weight, the look, the style, and the jobs that she craved. It became a slight obsession. Instead of thinking about what she would be like WHENEVER she lost the fat , she’d pretended for as long as she could, that she was exactly the way she wanted to be.

“They’re’ not warts, they’re beauty marks….It’s not a size 20.. it’s a size 2 plus infinity.”

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(It’s not a cat a in a coal bucket…it’s Bob in a metal chair)

She went on like that for the last 5 months. Since the January New Moon right up to the May Full Moon.

Fooling herself gladly.

“Life is hard enough,” she thought, “without giving myself a hard time. I prefer to feel good. I prefer to feel beautiful.  I prefer the magic of my mind than the dullness of criticism. Everyone is only too happy to tell me what I’m lacking. I can’t be bother listening to their untenable idea of what perfection is. It’s all a fad, it’s all a joke. Ultimately only I know whats best for me and my fat cells. And I love my fat cells. When they’re ready to go, ready to release themselves down the yellow stream of life, thats fine and dandy with me. In the meanwhile, it feels good letting myself feel good. That’s all there is to it.”

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What is beauty to her is not beauty them.

Good thing she just a little passed caring about them, whoever they claim to be…


Thanks for clicking in.

Hope to write again soon,

but…huh.. no promises babe.

No goals.

Feel better now? Good.

always, eileen

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Eileen O'Toole


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